Words that could/should have been

Alberquerque (n): The shapeless squiggle which is utterly unlike your normal signature, but which is, nevertheless, all you are able to produce when asked formally to identify yourself. Muslims, whose religion forbids the making of graven images, use alberquerques to decorate their towels, menu cards and pyjamas.

Botusfleming (n): (Medical) A small, long-handled steel trowel used by surgeons to remove the contents of a patient’s nostrils prior to a sinus operation.

Calicut (adj): Determined not to let someone see how much their inadvertent remark has hurt you.

Duddo (n): The most deformed potato in any given collection of potatoes.

Elsrickle (n):: A bead of sweat which runs down your bottom cleavage.

Famagusta (n): The draught which whistles between two bottoms that refuse to touch.

Louth (n): The sort of man who wears loud check jackets, has a personalized tankard behind the bar, and always gets served before you do.

Ripon (vb.): (of literary critics) To include all the best jokes from the book in the review to make it look as if the critic thought of them.

Zagreb (n): A stranger who suddenly clutches an intimate part of your body, and then pretends they did it to prevent themselves falling.

All this and much, much more in the legendary Douglas Adams and John Lloyd’s “The deeper meaning of LIFF”. Brilliant and hillarious.

More than well worth your time.

Amazon link.