Thursday, May 12, 2005

Motorcycle diaries: Chennai traffic policeman saga

This one is a little short story, where every word is true.

A long time ago, when I was still a young 3rd year Engineering student, my greatest desire was to own a two-wheeler (a 350-cc Enfield Bullet, to be precise). My father smiled indulgently, and then said I could use his scooter if I wanted to. So I had to settle for “second best”. Instead of the Enfield, I got an ancient (1979 vintage) lemon yellow Bajaj Chetak (one of the early prototypes, I guess), still full of good cheer. I took a deep breath, had the bally thing repainted grey (couldn’t ride a yellow bike, could I?), painted some graffiti on it myself, and the speed-machine was ready. It was “as good as new” in the words of my father. Still, I could not complain about a bike that gave me 45 km/litre of petrol on the mean Chennai streets, and it never once failed me.

It was never the envy of my friends, but remained a faithful steed never the less. Being conscientious, I obtained a no-objection certificate for the Karnataka registration (famously known as an “NOC”) from Bangalore before I took it to Chennai. And I started tooting along on in merrily, through many-a-street in the fair city of the Coovam and Marina. All was hunky-dory, or so I thought. But I had failed to consider the routine harassment of the local traffic cops, who unfailingly (especially closer to the end of the month) would enthusiastically pull up any young man on a bike.

One night (at about 10 pm), after an excellent dinner at the mess, I was heading towards my uncle’s home (and my preferred habitat). Just as I was crossing the famous signal on R.K. salai, by the Music Academy, a bug-eyed traffic cop flagged me down. I pulled over, and waited, calm and composed. By now I was a veteran of the ways of the Chennai traffic cops. I’d been routinely pulled over and harassed, only to be let off after a small contribution to the highly unofficial but extremely popular “Police coffee/tea fund”. But I was determined to be firm this time.

“Mama” sauntered up to me, and asked for the usual suspects “License, registration, emission certificate”. All was in order, since (having learnt from my father) I had the originals, and copies in triplicate, safely tucked away in the trunk. He frowned upon seeing this, and scratched his head for a solution, and then looked at the bike number plate. A toothy smile of victory erupted over his face. He was sure he had me nailed.

“NOC iruka?” he asked, demanding to see my NOC, and staring at my Karnataka registration plate. I smiled right back, and with a twinkle in my eye conjured up my NOC (in original, with copies in triplicate), and waved it victoriously at him. He scrutinized the document, scowled, scratched his nose-wart, and thought for a moment. And then, with a triumphant smile straight out of hell declared “NOC moonu maasam thaan use pannalam” (the NOC can be used for only 3 months)!

I knew then that he was an imaginative liar clutching at straws, and he knew that I could never verify the veracity of his statement. “250 rupees fine”, he solemnly declared. I met his glare, and said I didn’t have the moolah, and hence couldn’t cough it up. Stunned with my reply, he paused for a moment, and then told me that my vehicle would be confiscated if I didn’t “help him out”. Calmly, I started wheeling my humble steed towards the footpath, to park it. Shaken, he ran up to me and said the vehicle couldn’t be confiscated on the road, but it had to be taken to the Mount Road police station. I handed over the keys, and said I’d be damned if I had to take it personally to the police station to leave it behind, but he was welcome to do so himself. Now he was really shaking. This, clearly, had never happened to him before.

“Seri, tea/coffee ku yethavuthu koodu, apporama nee pohalam” (O.K, just give me something for “tea/coffee” and you can leave), he begged. The usual “going” rate could typically be bargained down to Rs. 75-100.

I smiled, and emptied my pockets. Having just filled gas, I had the exact princely sum of Rs 7.75 (seven rupees seventy five pisa) left in my pockets, all in small change (one greased two rupee note, a few 1 rupee coins, some 50 pisa coins, and one 25 pisa coin). The strain of this sight was too much for him. He reeled, and in tears barked “Kalambu ingerinthu! Marubadi yen kitta matikathe!” (Get out of here, and don’t get caught by me again). He also used a few other choice words in chaste Tamil that are inappropriate for young readers, and so I refrain from using them.

I scooted off, majestic in victory. I had won, and I had done the unimaginable. I had made a policeman cry, not by resisting or resorting to angry words or threats but by standing up to my rights. Perhaps there was something in Gandhiji’s way after all!

15 comments:

Soultan of Swing said...

Sunil,
Nice post...was reminded of the good ol' days in college...and the day Ela and me came home and u cooked us some awesome spaghetti...can never forget the scooter and the stuff u had on it...where's it now?

Sunil said...

The scooter was given to the watchman of my apartment complex for a very nominal price (he insisted). Those were fun days.

Srikanth said...

"The bally thing..." You read Wodehouse!

Sunil said...

Yes, I certainly do! Blog on that coming soon....
Excellent blog you have.

Arun said...

Cool one.

Anonymous said...

Good post. Am reading your blog pretty regularly these days - it's an interesting variety of topics you got there. Eagerly awaiting one on toilet humour, though. :-)

Bharat

Suhail said...

Good one. Your post reminds me of something I shd blog about. And btw, I too nurse that wish for a classic Silver Bullet...

Coz after all, Enfield is the only two-wheeler that commands a respect of a four-wheeler. And then that princely dhug..dhug..dhug firing. Aah ! I'll give my right hand for that.

Kiran said...

It happenned to my friend (who has not a single document including driver's license on him) in Hyd the other day. It boiled down to my friend having to tell the constable, "dekho, mere pass sirf kuch chiller paise hain. woh diye to achcha nahin dikhta tumhare ko..." (look I only have some loose change, and it does look good for me to give it to you) and the poor hassled hassler had to let him go! :)

Anonymous said...

Gandhiji's ways? Are you sure Gandhi would have resorted to bribing ? Did I miss something here ?

Vasudevan Deepak Kumar said...

Sunil,

Informative post. Check out a similar stand in T.Nagar here At least after the elections, we would hope whether these cops would be corrected or they only prove to a dog's tail, which can never be straigtened, as a Tamil proverb goes.

Anonymous said...

Take a look at this awesome manuals site :

www.motorcycle-repair-manual.org

Anonymous said...

anal beads on string anal beads on string
anal buttplugs anal buttplugs
anal stimulating anal stimulating
aphrodisiac aphrodisiac
bachelorette items bachelorette items
bachelor items bachelor items
blindfold blindfold
jack rabbit jack rabbit
giant dildos giant dildos

viswanathan udayamurthy said...

Hi Dude! I am sure you are not as old and as experienced as me. And as such, I would like to point out a couple of major flaws in your perception about Gandhiji and the Police.Gandhiji's style is absolutely different from your's.He would never ever have offered a bribe whether it is Rupees seven hundred and fifty or Rupees seven and paise fifty, or a mere paise fifty. He would have said, "if I had committed a mistake, then offer me the most stringest punishment that the court has the authority to nail on me." Secondly, about the coppers: You can never make the cops weep, except when they are a misfit in the police force. In your case,the police man was kind enough to prevent YOU from crying. In a similar case involving my friend,the police man asked my friend to ride pillion on the seized vehicle, took him to the police station, officially seized the vehicle, booked a case and parked the vehicle in the usual foot path where such seized vehicles are parked, and during the months that took for the case to resolve, every useful part in the vehicle was lost. And so, never equate the kindness of a cop with weakness and never ever call Gandhiji a thrifty briber.

Anonymous said...

Once I played 12sky, I did not know how to get strong, someone told me that you must have twelve sky Gold. He gave me some 12sky gold, he said that I could buy twelvesky Gold, but I did not have money, then I played it all my spare time. From then on, I got some 12Sky Silver Coins, if I did not continue to play it, I can sell 12 sky gold to anyone who want.

Anonymous said...

I like a game which needs to use shaiya gold, when you do not have shaiya money, you must borrow cheap shaiya gold from friends, or you shaiya online gold. If you get buy shaiya gold, you can continue this game.